Regret
by sydhar
Summary: Rachel was in New York at Nationals with the guy of her dreams. So why is she feeling regret?  Takes place in the episode "New York". Has mentions of Finchel and St. Berry.


**Authors note:** This is my first Glee story/ one shot hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee if I did Jesse would a series regular and would have every solo

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><p>Rachel Berry was always a person with big dreams. As long as she could remember she had the dream of being in New York on stage and singing her heart out and this was her moment to shine.<p>

Sure this was not a big Broadway production but it was still important.

For the last two years glee club had worked so hard in getting here at Nationals and now they had made it and had performed. It should have been the best moment of her life, but the moment was now over and now she couldn't help but regret the kiss that she and Finn had shared onstage.

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><p>For so long Finn was her perfect dream guy. She could remember being only a freshman and seeing him for the first time and that was it, from that moment on she was a love sick puppy, who craved his attention.<p>

It was so unlike her to fall into such a clique as to fall for the football star. She was bigger than that. But it did not matter. She constantly reminded herself that he was different from the rest. Plus it felt good to be wanted by the most popular guy at school.

But was he? She now couldn't help but wonder if that was true. He had dumped her for Santana and Brittany, lied to her about sleeping with Santana and went back and forth between her and Quinn like it was a game. One game they would all lose in the end.

He didn't mean to hurt her, she knew that, and that's why she comes back, that and the fact that she's comfortable with him. Sure he hurts her and sometimes she feels like she has to change for him, but he's the first boy to ever notice her. He's her safety net and a part of her loves him or at least the idea of him.

So when he kissed her she welcomed it. It was such a surprise. After all she had told him she did not want to be in a relationship. But it was nice.

It wasn't until after the performance when she began to realize what they had done.

Finn was ranting about how it was the superman of all kisses and that is when she saw him.

It was Jesse St. James.

The boy that stolen her heart in a way that not even Finn could.

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><p>When Finn broke up with her (the first time) she was worried she would never find anyone else that she would love. Then she saw Jesse in the music store and her life changed.<p>

From the moment they had sung together she felt this amazing instant connection. Finally someone understood her. As they began to date the connection grew into this great love. She felt like she could be herself with him because he was just like her. He has the dreams of being in the spotlight. It felt like Mr. Shuester's promise that she would someone to love her and all the things she did not love about herself had come true. He did, when he looked at her, she felt loved.

But then her drive for popularity almost ruined her happiness when she cast him with her exes. She thought they would be over then but they weren't and he forgave her. She knew he was the one after that.

She envisioned being on Broadway with him by her side, the two of them winning Tony awards and growing old together. He was the one to share those dream with.

But then he broke her heart, just like she was warned he would do. He went back to Carmel, leaving her all alone, and then he cracked the egg on her forehead. She had thought that it was the last time she would have to see him, when he ended up winning Regionals. But a little over year later he showed up in the auditorium and one again she was putty in his hands. Their voices blended so well together that she forgot to be mad at him and so when he asked her to prom, she said yes.

It was like last year had never happened and she was so happy with him dancing. Then Finn ruined it by starting a fight with Jesse, which led to Jesse and Finn being kicked out. After that Jesse apologized and ended up trying to help New Directions win Nationals. In the process of him being there she remembered why she fell in love with him, but she also couldn't help but think of the pain he caused her so she tried to regect his advances only giving in when kissed her in the auditorium.

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><p>This all led to this very moment at Nationals. Jesse is standing before her, after having seen the kiss that shocked everyone.<p>

As he talks to them, she is speechless. She sees the look of hurt in his eyes. The one he tries to mask with his attitude. It kills her to know she caused this look.

It amazes her that despite his feelings of betrayal he still manages to compliment her.

Then he tells them how the kiss will cost New Directions Nationals.

The sad thing is, she knows what he says is the truth. It was unprofessional, so when results leave them in 12th place, she is disappointed but not surprised.

It is upsetting to lose once again, but as she sees Jesse walking away she feels an even bigger loss.

As she thinks of this though, she clears the thoughts of regret. Convincing herself once again that she needs Finn now. After all he is safe. Besides if that does not work out there is always the possibility that she and Jesse can reunite when they are both stars on Broadway.

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><p>Author's note: Please review! If you don't I will hunt you down!<p>

Just kidding! LOL


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